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Short Summary
Main recommendation: When negotiating against another negotiator type, identify their type first, then adjust your tactics, and bring a coach to keep the negotiation on track. The speakers argue that the most difficult pairings are the ones that clash, and that accommodators and assertives each need specific handling. Their guidance centers on testing agreements with accommodators and letting assertives talk before responding.
Key Points
- Bring a coach into negotiations so they can keep the conversation moving, prevent over-promising and under-delivering, and stop the talks from drifting into unrelated topics.
- Accommodator versus accommodator is the worst type mismatch, since each side tends to promise what it won't deliver to keep the relationship happy.
- Analysts and assertives don't get along because they are two sides of the same coin; this mismatch only matters when considering accommodators pairing with the other types, and understanding all types helps round out your negotiation skills.
- Assertives often enjoy negotiating with accommodators, who can let them talk; the speakers say assertives are actually the easiest type to deal with, not the hardest.
- Under pressure, people's reactions reveal their real type, so judge your type by how you respond when threatened rather than by your everyday behavior.
Details Worth Noting
- Concrete instructions:
- Accommodator against accommodator: ask implementation questions repeatedly, and test every agreement more than you would with the other two types, since their promises may not be kept.
- Accommodator against assertive: stay quiet and let the assertive share their vision and data, using the time to listen and learn.
- Once they finish, pick the points that support your position and label or mirror them, for example: "It seems like you've done some research" or "It sounds like you have a number in mind."
- Open with a statement such as "It seems like you have a vision for how this is going to work out," then wait for them to talk.
- After they finish, ask a no-oriented question such as "Are you against me walking you through what our vision is on how this is going to play out?" and wait one or two seconds for their answer.
- Then lay out your own position, using the information they gave you as support.
- Use the accommodator voice (friendly, considerate, relationship-focused) about 80 percent of the time, and the "late-night DJ voice" (precise, direct, clear) about 20 percent of the time, especially when stating your position.
- The speakers recommend staying curious when an assertive throws out numbers, asking why they are doing it, since the goal may be to confuse you and disrupt your plan.
- One accommodator described their own mindset as: "I'm not intentionally trying to lie to you, but you can't believe every word that comes out of my mouth."
- The speakers stress that time is not a constraint: if an assertive needs three hours to make their point, wait the three hours.
Bottom Line
Identifying the other party's type and planning your responses around it, especially under pressure, matters more than following a single fixed script.
