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Chris Voss & The Black Swan Group - How to CONTROL the Outcome Of Your Negotiations

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Author: Chris Voss & The Black Swan Group
Categories: Psychology Business
Tags: psychology, business
Views: 2 · Last viewed: 2026-10-16 13:00 UTC

Short Summary

Main recommendation: To control the outcome of a negotiation, give the other side the feeling of control and power while you defer to them and avoid yes-oriented questions that can trap them or make you feel trapped. Chris Voss argues that people who feel powerful let their guard down, which makes them easier to influence.

Key Points

  • Yes-oriented questions can feel like traps even when you do not intend them that way, because people are "yes-battered" and react defensively to them.
  • Focus on the question behind the question: find out what is motivating the other side to ask, such as asking "What made you ask?" or "What's the purpose of power?"
  • Confirmation bias makes the other side hear only what they want to hear; they will often jump to a conclusion from a simple answer rather than from what you actually said.
  • Projecting power or control-orientation makes you look cutthroat, which prompts the other side to guard against you, while deference lowers their defenses.
  • The State Department anecdote shows that when the speaker insisted on being in charge, State Department officials resisted, but when he instead told them they were in charge, they cooperated.

Details Worth Noting

  • Concrete instructions: Avoid yes-oriented questions. Before negotiating, identify the purpose or motivation behind the other side's questions by asking things like "What made you ask?" Let the other side feel powerful and in charge, and manage the emotional moment so they feel awesome. Use deference rather than asserting your own power or control.
  • The "yes trap" is the speaker's term for how a yes-oriented question can feel like a trap even when the asker is simply trying to confirm information and move forward.
  • The speaker describes himself as having been guilty of being assertive and power-seeking in the past, and presents that as a lesson learned.
  • Confirmation bias is cited as the academic term for seeking information that confirms one's existing conclusion, and is presented as an information-gathering problem in negotiations.
  • The example involved the speaker himself, early in his FBI career overseas, initially insisting on being in charge, which the State Department resisted; it worked only after he told them they were in charge.

Bottom Line

Effective negotiation depends less on asserting control and more on understanding the other side's motives and letting them feel powerful, which lowers their guard and makes them more receptive to your position.