digest
Short Summary
Main recommendation: Use labels, a simple negotiation tool that starts with phrases like "It seems like," "It sounds like," "It looks like," "You've seen," "You sound," or "You look," to draw out information and reactions from the other side. Labels tend to work better than direct questions because they trigger a more unfiltered flow of thoughts, and the speaker says all three negotiator types tend to respond well to them.
Key Points
- Labels should follow a simple format and avoid starting with "I," which the speaker says draws attention to yourself and interrupts the other side's thinking.
- Labels are presented as more effective than asking questions for gathering information, since they prompt stream-of-consciousness responses.
- The speaker says polling of about 2,000 people across assertive, analyst, and accommodator types found that labels were ranked as the number one or number two preferred skill by all three types.
- Because labels work across types, the speaker presents them as the safest starting bet before you have identified the other side's type.
- Labels are described as a way to improve your odds over time, with consistent practice being the way to move from barely adequate to highly skilled.
Details Worth Noting
- Concrete instructions:
- Use only the approved format: "It seems like," "It sounds like," "It looks like," "You've seen," "You sound," or "You look."
- Leave out "I" when phrasing a label.
- To gather information, label the other person instead of asking a direct question, for example: "It seems like you're giving this a lot of thought," "It seems like you're thinking about something here," or "It seems like you saw some things you liked."
- Practice labels daily. The speaker jokingly floats an hour a day as an example amount of practice, mentioning making a label at noon, labeling over lunch, or labeling from 7 to 8, without insisting on a specific duration.
- Make a cheat sheet of labels and keep it by your phone, including negative-dynamic fill-in-the-blank labels such as "It seems like you hate X," "It seems like you dislike X," and "It seems like X is a problem for you."
- The speaker describes a real estate professional (a woman) who calls this approach "unlocking the floodgates of truth," and generalizes that women tend to pick up labels faster than men, though men can also be skilled at it.
- The speaker calls labels "emotional intelligence based negotiation" and says the techniques were brought over from hostage negotiation into business.
- The speaker says the approach can be used to negotiate entirely through labels once mastered.
Bottom Line
Labels are presented as a low-risk, high-odds negotiation habit that improves through daily practice, especially when you keep a ready list of phrases for both positive and negative situations.
