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Chris Voss & The Black Swan Group - Use THIS Negotiation Skill on Assertive People | Derek Gaunt

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Author: Chris Voss & The Black Swan Group
Categories: Business Education Psychology
Tags: business, education, psychology
Views: 2 · Last viewed: 2026-10-16 12:38 UTC

Short Summary

Main recommendation: When a negotiator makes a threat or assertive demand, label it as a tentative observation ("It seems like...") rather than an accusation, because this gives the other side room to explain rather than become defensive. The speaker (a listener sharing a win, not Voss or a named coach) used this approach to call out a client's threat to leave unless he got a further discount, and the client's reaction revealed he was not actually ready to walk away.

Key Points

  • The labeling technique works partly because it lets the other party save face in front of their own team: a direct accusation provokes defensiveness, while a soft observation invites a reply.
  • Labels framed as "it seems" or "it sounds like" based on what the other side has said protect the labeler: if pushed back, you can say "I didn't say you were, I said it seems like you are."
  • Responding with "How is what I'm hearing wrong?" turns the other side's pushback back onto them and invites them to clarify their position.
  • The exchange also served an internal purpose: the speaker's CEO initially doubted the approach, and the speaker had to defend the timing and reasoning to him.

Details Worth Noting

  • Concrete instructions: When the other side pushes back on your label, do not argue about whether you said it. Restate the soft framing ("I didn't say you are threatening; I said it seems like...") and then ask "How is what I'm hearing wrong?" so they must explain their stance.
  • Concrete instructions: Choose the moment for the label carefully. The speaker waited until after letting the client talk at length, summarized the situation, and then made the observation during a meeting where both sides' decision-makers were present.
  • Concrete instructions: Base the label on data the other side actually gave you (their words), so you are reporting what you heard rather than inventing a motive.
  • The speaker described the other party as previously threatening on earlier calls, and this challenge was a turning point in confidence for the speaker; the commentator framed this as challenging "browbeating" in a non-confrontational way.
  • The coach responding (not identified by name in the transcript) explained the dynamic as the "law of negotiation gravity," where the other side feels a pull to correct the labeler's perception, and noted that this particular person made threats one-on-one because he thought the caller was beneath him, which changed when a third party (the CEO) was present.
  • The situation was tied to COVID-19 pandemic pressures used as justification for a further discount. The speaker did not state the outcome of the negotiation.

Bottom Line

Framing hard-edged statements as soft, data-based observations, then inviting the other side to explain, lets you surface real intentions without forcing a confrontation.