digest
Short Summary
Main recommendation: when seeking constructive feedback, ask for advice for next time rather than asking for generic feedback, because that prompts forward-looking, actionable input instead of praise or criticism of the past. The speakers also recommend treating the way you receive criticism as its own scored task, which they call the "second score," so you can focus on improving how you respond to input.
Key Points
- Dr. Adam Grant cites a meta-analysis (mentioned in captions as "Kuger and Denise," likely Kruger and Dunning) covering 100 years of feedback research, finding that feedback's usefulness depends on whether it focuses on the task or on the self, not on whether it is positive or negative.
- Asking "give me feedback" tends to attract cheerleaders (who praise your best self) and critics (who attack your worst self); asking "advice for next time" tends to produce a coach who helps you improve.
- Generic praise like "I enjoyed that" gives little to act on, while asking for one thing to do better yields specific suggestions.
- The "second score" idea, credited to Sheila Keen, treats criticism as a first score and sets a goal of scoring 10 on how well you received it.
- Grant's story of teaching Air Force generals and colonels shows the approach in practice: he acknowledged the feedback that he lacked humility, opened with self-deprecating humor, and his later feedback improved.
- Huberman and Grant frame the goal as shifting from nouns to verbs and from shaming your past self to educating your future self, and competing with your past self rather than others.
Details Worth Noting
- Concrete instructions:
- Instead of asking "Can you give me feedback?", ask "Can you give me advice for next time?" or "What's the one thing I could do better next time?"
- Ask for a tip rather than an evaluation to get actionable suggestions, such as removing an opening joke or adding a stronger through line to a speech.
- After receiving criticism, set a goal to score a 10 on how well you took the initial critique (the "second score").
- When receiving harsh feedback, acknowledge the point directly and explain what you will do differently, as Grant did with the generals.
- Treat self-review as a way to educate your future self, not to shame your past self.
- Grant describes his own case: he had led with too much confidence, which he now sees as masked insecurity, and recovered by taking himself off the pedestal.
- The example of Air Force feedback includes the comment "More knowledge in the audience than on the podium," and a later comment that the professor "dealt with the evidence in an interesting way."
- Grant mentions the difficulty of growth mindset work, noting that a single podcast or workshop is not enough and that it must be practiced daily.
Bottom Line
Change the question you ask, and change how you score yourself: request forward-looking advice and judge your response to criticism, so feedback becomes a repeatable path of improvement.
