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Rabbi YY Jacobson - Your Child Belongs to God

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Author: Rabbi YY Jacobson
Categories: Religion
Tags: religion
Views: 2 · Last viewed: 2026-10-16 10:04 UTC

Short Summary

Main recommendation: when your child's choices upset you, pause, ask God for strength, and remember that your child is first a piece of God (a "chelek Elokah mimaal") before being yours, then respond with warmth rather than anger. Rabbi YY Jacobson illustrates this with a father who found a group of people in his teenage daughter's room at 5 a.m. doing something morally troubling, and who chose a gentle response that deepened her trust in him.

Key Points

  • The father's first impulse was to explode and throw everyone out, but he recognized the trigger, took a pause, and turned to God for the strength to handle it.
  • The rabbi draws on a Midrash and Rashi's reading of Deuteronomy: bringing joy to the poor, widow, orphan, and stranger (God's own, so to speak) brings joy back to you, your spouse, and your children.
  • The key reframe is that a child is not only "mine"; the child primarily belongs to God, so the parent is a caretaker, not sole owner.
  • The father's response showed warmth first: he smiled at his daughter, hugged her, and thanked her for being home and for her good friends.
  • Her friends' reaction ("Wow, you have such a cool father") appeared to increase her trust in him "ten times."

Details Worth Noting

  • Concrete instructions: When you feel anger rising at your child, first notice the trigger and create a moment of space before reacting. Turn inward to God and ask for strength to handle the situation. Reframe the child as "a piece of Hashem" on a difficult journey. Then respond with affection: smile, hug, express gratitude for something specific (their presence at home, their good friends, your home being a place where others can relax). The transcript does not give a fixed script or timing beyond this sequence.
  • The Midrash cited is in Sefer Devarim, where God says to bring joy to the orphan, widow, stranger, and poor, with the promise that this will bring joy to you, your spouse, and your children, as Rashi quotes Chazal.
  • The rabbi's interpretation is that the verse can also mean bringing joy to the part of your child that belongs to God.
  • The speaker presents this as a story and teaching, not as clinical or professional parenting advice; the outcome described is the father's account.
  • The transcript ends mid-story, so the broader conversation, the daughter's behavior, and any follow-up are not included.

Bottom Line

Parenting through a crisis starts with regulating your own reaction and seeing your child as someone entrusted to you by God, which the speaker argues can turn a painful moment into one that strengthens the relationship.