digest
Short Summary
Main recommendation: Build trust by strengthening its three components (authenticity, logic, and empathy), diagnosing which one is "wobbling" in your own work, and applying a targeted fix. Frei argues trust is the foundation for progress and that any one shaky component undermines the whole, so you can rebuild trust by repairing the weakest of the three. She illustrates this with her turnaround work at Uber, where she applied the fixes described below.
Key Points
- Trust rests on three components: authenticity (sensing you are being your true self), logic (sensing your reasoning is rigorous), and empathy (sensing your attention is directed toward the other person). When all three hold, trust is strong; if any one wobbles, trust is threatened.
- Empathy is the most common wobble, usually because people are too busy and self-distracted. Frei's core fix is to identify when, where, and with whom you withhold attention, and create a trigger that makes you look up and listen.
- Logic wobbles usually come from poor communication of sound reasoning rather than poor reasoning itself, and the fix is to state your point first.
- Authenticity is the hardest wobble, especially for people who represent difference, because holding back who you are reduces trust, which in turn reduces opportunities like stretch assignments and promotions.
- At Uber, the fixes were a ban on phones and texting in meetings (for empathy) and a large executive education effort on logic and strategy (for logic); authenticity remained a persistent problem.
Details Worth Noting
- Concrete instructions:
- Empathy: Identify where, when, and to whom you are likely to be distracted; those are likely the same situations where you withhold empathy. Set a trigger that prompts you to look up, look at the people in front of you, listen, and immerse yourself in their perspective.
- Empathy (immediate step): Put your cell phone away. Frei calls it the largest distraction magnet ever made and says it makes building empathy and trust very difficult.
- Logic: If your reasoning is sound but your communication isn't landing, start with your point in a crisp half-sentence, then give supporting evidence. Frei says this also protects credit for your idea if you get cut off.
- Authenticity: Be yourself, and pay less attention to what you think people want to hear and more to what your authentic self needs to say. Leaders should create conditions where authenticity is safe, welcome, and celebrated.
- Frei describes a self-imposed commitment to wear an Uber T-shirt daily until every employee did, which she says lasted 250 days, and she jokes about it as a mistake.
- The Uber example: meetings had people texting one another about the meeting, and the solution was to take technology away so people looked up and collaborated. Rapid promotions had left managers in roles beyond their capability, and the response was a large influx of executive education focused on logic, strategy, and leadership.
- Frei's own example of authenticity pressure: she is a woman with strong opinions and direct speech, and she prefers men's clothing and comfortable shoes, which she says makes her different in some contexts.
- Frei notes that authenticity remained "mighty wobbly" at Uber, but says this is typical of many Silicon Valley companies, where coaching people to fit in and rewarding conformity is easier than rewarding difference.
Bottom Line
Trust is not a single trait but a balance of authenticity, logic, and empathy, and the practical path to rebuilding it is to find the weakest of the three in your own behavior and apply a specific, immediate fix. Frei's broader point is that leaders must make it safe and valued for people to bring their true selves forward, since that is what enables greater excellence.
