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Short Summary
Main recommendation: Rabbi Daniel Rowe argues that learning to be comfortable alone is valuable only when it is "alone ultimately for the sake of reconnecting and re-giving and building relationships together," not as an end in itself. He frames solitude as a tool for dealing with inner stress, cultivating calm, and deepening one's relationship with God, so that a person returns to others better equipped to give.
Key Points
- Rowe starts from the Torah verse "It is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis) and says we should also make sure others are not alone.
- Technology, including phone contact, Zoom, and FaceTime, can reduce isolation, and he says this is "very, very important."
- Solitude helps when a person hears and feels the stresses inside them, which he compares to "concentric circles" of individual and collective growth.
- He rejects the idea that self-improvement and service to others are opposed: "It's never about self versus others."
- Rowe explains that God built creation so people feel the need for relationship, because otherwise "we'd all sit there" with a drive toward separateness.
Details Worth Noting
- Concrete instructions:
- When alone, pause and notice the stresses that come up, since the speaker says being alone is when "we hear and feel the stresses that are going on within us."
- Try a short practice of "just shutting our eyes and feeling that connection with God," which he describes as potentially one of the greatest cleaning-out processes.
- Use that inner calm to return to relationships, giving to others from a better state.
- Use phone, video calls, and similar devices to stay in daily contact with people while isolated.
- Rowe notes that if this crisis had happened 20 years ago, far more people would have been truly isolated, because today's devices (phones, Zoom, FaceTime) let people stay in daily contact despite physical isolation.
- He describes a "collective as well as individual" view in Judaism, where a couple, family, community, nation, and humanity each have their own relationship with God.
- He contrasts his view with some self-help books and life coaches who say discomfort with being alone shows unresolved issues. He agrees that it can, but treats solitude as a means to repair, not a sign of success on its own.
Bottom Line
Solitude is worthwhile when it repairs inner stress and strengthens your bond with God, and the real goal is returning to others with more to give.
