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Rabbi YY Jacobson - Don’t Use them; Just See Them

Thumbnail of the video “Rabbi YY Jacobson - Don’t Use them; Just See Them”
Community upload. AI output has not been independently verified.
Author: Rabbi YY Jacobson
Categories: Psychology Lifestyle Religion
Tags: psychology, lifestyle, religion
Views: 2 · Last viewed: 2026-10-16 08:49 UTC

Short Summary

Main recommendation: parents and educators should not use children to meet their own psychological, emotional, or spiritual needs, but should instead learn to see each child for who they truly are, both outside and inside. The speaker frames this as the deepest gift a parent can give, tied to the Chanukah focus on educating children and students.

Key Points

  • Children are not given to parents for their own benefit, such as proving they are successful parents or gaining emotional or spiritual validation.
  • The core task of a parent is to help a child see themselves for who they really are, by modeling how the parent sees them.
  • Taking a child's light for yourself, even when that child is amazing, means missing the purpose of parenting.
  • Seeing a child truly, rather than only through a lens of stress or anxiety, can turn their presence into gratitude toward God.
  • Children need someone who sees their inner qualities, not just visible or outward success that everyone can notice.

Details Worth Noting

  • Concrete instructions: The transcript gives no step-by-step method. The actionable guidance is to stop treating children as a source of personal validation, to consciously learn to see each child for who they are inside and out, and to model that way of seeing them so the child can see themselves.
  • The speaker ties this to the Chanukah theme of education, extending it beyond the eight days of the holiday to children, grandchildren, students, and disciples.
  • The speaker draws on the Psalm line "The soul of man is the candle of God," linking the flame to a person's neshama (soul), in connection with Chanukah candles.
  • The speaker notes that some parents describe their children as the source of their pills, migraines, or anxiety, and suggests that this framing changes once a child is understood as a gift to be seen rather than used.
  • When a child's outward qualities are obvious to everyone, the child needs less prompting; when the world sees nothing, the parent's ability to see the inner person matters most.

Bottom Line

Parenting, in this view, is measured less by a parent's own success and more by whether the child is truly seen and helped to see themselves.