TorahAnytime - Pick Out The Chelbena - R. Paysach Krohn - TorahAnytime.com

Short Summary

Main recommendation: Pick out the "Chelbena" (the struggling, seemingly lost youth) and give them real care and concrete help rather than looking away. The speaker illustrates this with his brother Matisyahu's (Rav Paysach Krohn's) handling of a teenager who wanted to change course, and argues that this kind of personal investment can transform a young person's life.

Key Points

• The story centers on a teenager who had dropped out of learning, left college after one night, and asked to go to yeshiva in Israel but lacked the money.
• The brother ('Rav Krohn' in the story, i.e., the speaker's brother Matisyahu) saw that the boy needed special help and agreed to fund a plane ticket and a hachnasas kallah (a payment toward a bride's dowry/wedding costs, as used here) on conditions.
• The anonymous caller said that years later the former teenager was a family man with a chavrusa, in a Yeshiva Gedolah, and had a Toyota, which he attributed to the brother (Rav Krohn) picking him out.
• The speaker's message to listeners is that many people can offer simple care, such as greeting a kid with a haircut kindly, even if they cannot pay for yeshiva.

Details Worth Noting

• Concrete instructions: Treat struggling youth with warmth and attention: say "shalom aleichem" to a kid who looks different, seek him out, and show that you care. Do not look away from such kids, even when it is painful, including when it is your own nephew or a child down the block. Be the person who picks out the Chelbena, as Rav Krohn did.
• The brother's two conditions were: the boy had to commit to learning with a chavrusa ('bond'), which the boy found inspiring because he knew he could not learn alone, and he had to bring any yeshiva needs (money or otherwise) only to him, not anyone else.
• When the boy slipped and did something inappropriate after two months, the speaker's brother called him and used a "stock" analogy: he had invested in the boy and would not give up on him.
• The speaker notes that the youth often wear distinctive haircuts or yarmulkes as a cry for attention and acceptance, saying in effect, "Care for me, I'm your brother."

Bottom Line

Practical kindness toward the struggling young person, and not dismissing them, can change their trajectory; you do not need to be able to fund their education to make a difference.