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Short Summary
Main recommendation: Use an accusation audit before delivering bad news or making a request: voice the negative things the other person is likely thinking so they feel less threatened and their negative thoughts don't distract them. The transcript illustrates this with Mr. Smith, who used an accusation audit to get a vendor to accept a lower price than the $26,000 they had quoted.
Key Points
- The accusation audit works by listing the negatives the other party may be thinking, such as that you are a jerk, that you are taking food from their family, or that they regret taking your call.
- Stating these accusations first gives the other side permission to express their objections and removes their ability to use those objections against you later.
- Without this step, the counterpart's unspoken negative thoughts create a "black hole" in their thinking, so they stop listening to the rest of the conversation.
- Mr. Smith's counterpart responded to the accusation audit by saying they wanted to work with him, which led to a negotiated price of $19,762.
- Positioning yourself as a teammate rather than an adversary, and treating the problem as the obstacle, is essential to reaching a solution.
Details Worth Noting
- Concrete instructions:
- Before making an ask or sharing bad news, list the accusations the other person is likely to think about you (e.g., "You're probably going to think I'm crazy," "You may say I'm a jerk," "You'll wish you never took my call").
- State these accusations at the start of the conversation, before your actual point or request.
- Ask for permission to say what you need to say, then give your position clearly and concretely (Mr. Smith's example: "Twenty-six thousand dollars doesn't work for me. I've run the numbers... the best we can do is $19,762").
- Frame the ask as a collaboration: make clear you are not against them and they are not against you, and work together on the problem.
- Set up any request, however small, with an accusation audit, because any request adds work to someone else's plate.
- The counterpart was relieved that the news wasn't as bad as they feared, which made them willing to accept the revised figure.
- Mr. Smith framed the accusation audit as a way to take authority and permission away from the other side, rather than letting them hold objections over you.
Bottom Line
Naming the negative assumptions out loud before you ask for something or deliver hard news lowers the other party's guard and keeps them listening to your actual proposal.
