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Short Summary
Main recommendation: Use an "accusations audit" at the start of a difficult conversation or negotiation by stating the negative assumptions the other person might already hold about you, so you defuse them before they surface. Chris Voss and Sandy Hein argue that naming these preconceptions shows self-awareness and care, which lowers the other side's defensiveness and lets the discussion continue.
Key Points
- An accusations audit gives you room to ask or address whatever you came to raise, because the negative label is already on the table.
- Common preconceptions it targets include being seen as too assertive or too emotional.
- Voss and Hein say you cannot plant a negative by naming it, because if the other person does not already hold the view, they will likely just dismiss it.
- Phrasing matters: denying a trait ("I don't want you to think I'm being picky") implies it and raises it, while acknowledging it without justifying ("You may think I'm being picky") does the opposite.
- Voss frames the audit as recognizing the other person's experience, which helps subvert preconceived notions and keep the deal moving.
Details Worth Noting
- Concrete instructions: Name the likely negative assumption in advance, using a phrase such as "You're going to think that what I'm about to ask you is really assertive," "You're going to feel really overwhelmed by what I'm about to ask you," or "You're probably going to think that I'm bringing emotion into this."
- Concrete instructions: Do not justify or explain the negative. For example, instead of "I don't want you to think I'm being picky, but I don't like that shade of blue," say "Yeah, you may think I'm being picky. I don't like that shade of blue."
- Concrete instructions: Only use the audit for assumptions you have reason to believe already exist; do not introduce new negatives such as "You're going to think this is so expensive" if the other side does not hold that view.
- Voss says the audit works even if your concern about the other person's view is wrong, since the statement itself communicates understanding of their experience.
- The speaker in the chat question asked whether the approach could backfire; Voss answered that it will not plant a negative that is not already there, and that the wording is what determines whether it helps.
Bottom Line
Naming a likely negative perception before the other side voices it, without arguing against it, is the practical core of the accusations audit and the key to defusing it.
